I wanted a glimpse of the life I could have — someone who looked like me and could understand my struggle. It was what gay society told me was the pinnacle of male beauty. For a long time, I thought that coming out would open doors to a place where I could be open about my identity without judgement. As gay men, we all go through an emotional journey to discover a sense of self; to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to come out and let our lives fall into place. And while I found acceptance in innumerable ways through friends, coming out also meant entering a world brimming with a distinct, ubiquitous form of discrimination — where racism runs rampant and everyone is boxed into manufactured stereotypes.
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I n , when Calvin Burdine was awaiting sentencing for allegedly stabbing his gay lover to death, the prosecuting attorney encouraged the jury in his closing remarks to award Burdine the death penalty, rather than life in prison, on the grounds that sending a gay man to prison was akin to sending a kid to a candy store. After 17 minutes of deliberation, the jury obliged and sentenced Burdine to die. His death sentence was later overturned mostly because Burdine's public defender had slept through much of his trial , but the homophobic thinking — that prison is some kind of paradise for gay men — lingers on. The reality of life in prison for homosexuals and transgender individuals does not appear to reflect this myth. One young man named Rodney, imprisoned for fraud and check-forging, sent me a detailed account of his life so far in prison.